It's a Sunny Day indeed. :)

I must feel contented on how things are going on thus far. Sometimes the bug in me might start buzzing again randomly, that which stings my eyes. It happens. But I will just have to keep reminding myself that right now is certainly much much much better than how it was last year.

Truth is I am so so shallow that I get attracted immediately to attractive looking people and this little seed of hope then pop out of no where. All there's left for it to do is wait for me to water it and let it bud. I've most certainly got an eye candy for a partner, and I'm actually very thankful that he's attached, that way I can hold back and act normally. Oh man I'm terrible. Haha. Just for laughs alright?

I really should stop being "over-sensitive" and focus on my priority.

Funniest thing today happened during the MiC lecture:

"This is my cat, Lizzy and this is a lion from Google."

It's such a simple line but it cracked everyone up in the hall. Hahahaha!

And another interesting one today! The lecturer for Case 27 launch has only 7 fingers! How cool is that!? Everyone can pretty much tell that he was born that way. I only started to realize it after half an hour, as much as I thought it looks preeeetty normal, I still feel a chill in me.

I just can't imagine.

"Reflecting" and Running Wild As A Conclusion.

I don't know what got into me. I was tearing up during Vernon's PPD class. What he was talking about was completely, completely unrelated to what I was thinking in my head. Still, I almost broke the god damn dam again. Scarred but I'm really really trying my best to heal it. Then there goes all the thoughts of destroying myself and flinging myself deeper and deeper and deeper into the cold and bottomless abyss. And then absorb in my own world, self-pitying, forever.

I really did have a case of mild depression in the middle of the year. Panic attacks, anxiety and staying away from socials... It's all for real. And it happened to me. It might recur. I don't like being too quiet, I want to talk, to get to know people. Or can I please just be satisfied and made really joyous by even the simplest thing? I'm too greedy I think. I want more. I expect more. If I am content then I won't desire then I won't continue to hurt myself. I'm being such a bitch.

I was playing nice trying to accompany him? I did so. But I didn't do it sincerely did I? I did for a fleeting moment thought he was a bother. That he was hindering me from trying to talk to the others. Truth is, I'm just not good enough isn't it? Or I would have the capability to even bring him over to a side with some hope. However at the same time I'm glad he was there, to save my face when things ain't going the way I want it to. I'm being so mean. When he told me about how he's always going to Edinburgh on weekends to meet with his friends, something struck me. He's having problems too. And here I am having a bit of unkind thought even if he may be part of my problems. We are all having it hard psychologically. And we all need someone to save us. He still has his friends an hour plus away and another countermeasure for him is to rely heavily on his religion. I can't find fault at that.

Even I am desperate for something to cling onto.

How long can I keep this up for? I can smile, but just smiling on the surface could be hurting me just as much too. So what am I supposed to do?

Run wild??

I seriously think that.

What is to be?

I am cold and cruel.

Forbidding and glacial sounds nice too.

Ahh, save my soul.